we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
