Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
