does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
