I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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