I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
