**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
