Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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