found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
