Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
