You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
