is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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