I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have fence marks all over my body
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize