No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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