Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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