if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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