these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
