i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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