your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
