Banned from zoo.
Again?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
