If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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