so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
