I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
