I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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