the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
