so explain again why im purple
no
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
