how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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