I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
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so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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