I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
