the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize