I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
