He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
