thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
