she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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