shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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