I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
