Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
