i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your dad touched me again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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