im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
