All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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