Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
