a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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