so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
