omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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