Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
