You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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