Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
