its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
