you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
