my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
