i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
