I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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