There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
