My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
