toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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