Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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