You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle