First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They have beer where we have blood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
