Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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