community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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