Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
