Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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