you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
