please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
