I'm really into asian looking animals
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
