I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize