How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
