Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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