I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
