My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
