wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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