R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
