$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
