You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
