My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
