I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
