dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
